Why the Avengers belong in the Dark Ages

Ok, that title is pretty confrontational, so I’m going to dive right into this. The six core members of the Avengers (as depicted in the record breaking film) are Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. Reading between the lines, their signature attributes are; a shield, armour, a hammer, big muscles, a female body, and a longbow.

Captain America versus ThorThese things have been around for donkeys’ years. Sure, you can add caveats; they have gadgets and gizmos, Black Widow packs a pistol, Iron Man’s suits are powered by advanced power sources, and use an AI OS. Two of them can fly, and a third can apparently jump really, really far. The Avengers don’t really belong in this century. Kick them back a millenia, strip them of those caveats, and they will feel a lot more at home.

In fact, the same sort of thing can be said for Guardians of the Galaxy. In that squad, two individuals use bladed weapons, and a third uses his tree-fists(?). The bad guy waltzes around with another war hammer. It’s almost like Marvel doesn’t think the toughest people in the universe would want to use guns. The most relevant weapon in that movie was Yondu’s yaka arrow, which he controlled with the pitch of his whistle.

In The Avengers flick, the most interesting weapon was shot, what, once?

Seriously, just arm your planes with these bad boys; no Avengers needed.

Of course the real reason why there are so many brute force weapons in this squad is because the comic book industry thrives on physical combat. Gunfights tend to end quickly. But when you’ve spent many pages building protagonists and antagonists up, the real test of who is the toughest will come in a mud-wrestle to the death. And there will be many fake deaths.

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